lost friend

so my best friend is GONE. All because of the stupid stupid bitch.8 yrs good years staying out of trouble years.....what am I going to do without him for 4 mos and then finally after we are all settled in together planning the rest of our life and skank ho has to cause trouble. I hate disliking someone so much but i wouldnt shed a tear if she fell off the earth.

well i ahve not written in a long time... lifes just going by so quickly.

pissed off tuesday just missed meltdown monday was doing good slept, kids were happy, things were looking good I dont see how I am going to be able to get Zoe and arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh... i just want to scream .. people are pissing me off when I really cant deal... my agency wont give me a definente number.
iam tired I want to go to sleep but I cant i need to get things done... i feel like running butb to what to where... I would not survive a day w/o my kids... they are the only thing that keeps me going..... I knew the man that died from our work 44 and gone from cancer in 2 months. I saw a picture of him today .. i did know him , not well , but i can clearly see his face . I did not think it was him because it doesnt seem like that long since i saw him.......... If i ever get sick I dont want them to have a dinner 3 out of the last five have died before the dinner. no funeral for me ... who the hell would come..... I would probably be lucky if any of my family showed up.... man I am feeling sorry for myself to day.. you know when all your good intentions go wrong... no matter how much you try it just aint good enough........... maybe i just need to sleep.....peace ...

sometimes people just piss me off... ok how hard is it to read a sign that has only a left arrow and one word ONLY...duh folks... yes they put a new sign up in our 5 stoplight town.. really its a big deal.I am sure the sign will come down when a person of society gets a tickets. My next ex's kid tried to push me down the stairs and left a huge nasty bruise. piss head 13 yo.. if it had been one of my kids they would have been down on the ground in a half sec.

missing my dad

My dad passed away 2 years ago and i miss him everyday. sometimes when i see an older man they look just enough like my dad to make my heart jump.Its not him but part of me wants to go up and give them a hug and see how they are doing.I find myself going to places that i did with him and trying to share the experiences with my kids.It is strange how although he is gone from this earth he is still so much alive in my life. I have a question I can pretty much guess what he would say to me. I can still hear his voice, remember our conversations.So many of my friends people that i grew up with have been losing their parents. We had a great life with my folks,they helped us become who we are and we are some pretty strong girls.
my parents were living in florida in 2005, they usually come up to NY each summer but didn't this year because it was too much on my dad. In 2004 I drove to florida with 3 of the kids,sparkles then 18,dramaboy 11, and peaceman 10. Lookatme 19 was in college. .I got a call ,don't remember who it came from probably babysis that my folks had been rearended by someone and my dad was in the hospital. He wasn't seriously injured but it brought to light many of his health issues. He lost his hearing that day. we were told to come down. all the girls flew down and we all met up in tampa at midnight and went to the hospital.Place didnt know what hit them... more later...